Hopelessly Heterosexual

HOPELESSLY HETEROSEXUAL

Cho:  I’m hopelessly, heterosexual

I guess I’m kinda slow

Mom and Dad were all I had

That’s the only way I know, so,

I’m hopelessly, heterosexual

I’m stuck with being straight

So man-to-man I’ll ask you

Not to ask me for a date!

 

When I’m with you I’m happy

When you’re with me you’re gay

I love you like a brother

But not the other way!

Now I’m not scared to try it

But it’s not my cup of tea

I never even thought of it

Til you brought it up to me

And now that I consider it

I’d rather stay repressed

’Cause I don’t feel excited at

The thought of you undressed!

 

Chorus:  I’m hopelessly heterosexual

You know I’m not a tease

I’m a product of society

So don’t be angry, please!

I’m hopelessly heterosexual

And I hate to be a bore

But I’d rather watch the Superbowl

Than sit here and explore!

 

I’m flattered that you asked me

But that’s the way things have to be

Cupid’s kinda stupid

He hit you and he missed me!

But since we’re on the subject

And you know where I stand

What exactly do you do?

I guess, use your hand?

I mean, do you, how does,

What if, where will?  From behind!!

Oh well, I just, you know,

It was, (gulp!) NEVERMIND!!

 

Chorus:  I’m hopelessly, heterosexual

And I don’t mean to offend

So don’t hold it against me,

And I’ll be your best friend,

No, don’t hold it against me

And please be my best friend!!

 

Written by Peter Alsop, ©1981, Moose School Music (BMI)

On Uniforms & Songs On Sex and Sexuality – www.peteralsop.com