Peter Alsop

Music for Children and Adults

You Ain't Been Doing Nothin'

From the album Ebenezer's Make Over Buy Now

by Tedd Judd, extra lyrics & music by Peter Alsop

- if they haven't called you gay!

YOU AIN’T BEEN DOIN’ NOTHIN’ IF THEY HAVEN’T

     CALLED YOU GAY!                                                             

One day in school a friend of mine sat all alone and cried

When I asked him what was wrong, he said his grandmother

     had died

He apologized for crying and I said that it’s okay

But when I put my arm around him, all the fellows

     called me gay!

Cho:  Oh you ain’t been doin’ nothin’ if they haven’t

     called you gay

If you show a sign of caring, then you know it’s what they’ll say

So you may as well ignore it, or decide that it’s okay

Cause you ain’t been doin’ nothin’ if they haven’t

     called you gay!

 

One day I saw my uncles lookin’ at a magazine

There were naked women, whips and chains and things

     I’ve never seen

They said “Wha’chu think of this one boy?” I said “I think

     it’s sick!”

They said “Boy, y’must be gay, if you don’t wanna

     poke a chick!”

     Well you ain’t been doin’ nothin’ if they haven’t

     called you gay!

     If you show a sense of decency, you know it’s what they’ll say

     So you may as well ignore it, or decide that it’s okay

     ’Cause you ain’t been doin’ nothin’ if they haven’t

          called you gay!

 

And then I went to college and I studied modern dance

I went down to the gym with m’tights beneath my pants

As I was working out, some jock would whisper loud and clear,

“Bet the dancer loves this locker room for men, because

     he’s queer!”

     Well you ain’t been doin’ nothin’ if you ain’t been

          call a queer!

     If you try out something new, well, y’know it’s what you’ll

          hear

     So you may as well ignore it, or answer with a cheer,

     ’Cause you ain’t been doin’ nothin’ if you ain’t been

          call a queer!

 

I like to work with kids and help them grow-up strong and free

But when I became a day-care teacher, people said to me

“Can’t you make the boys be tough and make the girls be cute?

Can’t you get a real man’s job?  Wha’sa matter?  You a fruit?”

     Well you ain’t been doin’ nothin’ if you ain’t been

          called a fruit!

     If you work for sex role freedom, well you know they’ll

          start to hoot

     Just remember there’s a hurting kid inside each

          jeering brute

     And you ain’t been doin’ nothin’ if you ain’t been

          called a fruit!

 

I help out at a shelter that is full of battered wives

It’s a place that they can run to when they’re frightened

     for their lives

There’s some folks in our community who say it’s run by hags

They say we’re breaking up the families, and so we

     must be fags!

     Oh you ain’t been doin’ nothin’ if you ain’t been called a fag!

     If you sympathize with victims, then they’ll say you

          dress in drag!

     So you may as well ignore it, or treat it like a gag,

     Cause you ain’t been doin’ nothin’ if you ain’t been

          called a fag!

 

Well singing isn’t macho, as everybody knows

Unless it’s country western, or you’re wearing chain-link

     clothes

But if it’s folk or op’ra or a style they dunno,

You can bet you’re “yodel-e-hee” you’ll be called a “homo”

     Oh you ain’t been doin’ nothin’ if you ain’t been

          called a homo!

     It’s been said about a lot of folks, from Brahms to

          Perry Como!

     So you may as well ignore it, or use it for your promo!

     ’Cause you ain’t been doin’ nothin’ if you ain’t been

          called a homo!

 

The White House starts its wars with people yellow, brown,

     and black

If they’re not red-white-and-blue, they must be red,

     so we attack!

All those blue-bloods get red-necks, when I tell em what

     I think

They yell and say I’m yellow, … ‘n I say “I’m not!  I’m pink!

     Well you ain’t been doin’ nothin’ if they haven’t

          called you pink

     If you say your party’s Green, y’know exactly what

          they’ll think

     So just dress yourself in lavender, and give em all a wink

     ’Cause you ain’t been doin’ nothin’ if they haven’t

          called you pink!

 

I wonder why the things I do bring ridicule to me

From rigid, frightened people in a land that’s brave and free

As for me, to be a “real man” means give up fear and hate

And to sing along, with arms around our brothers gay and straight!

     That you ain’t been doin’ nothin’ if they haven’t

          called you gay

     If you work for gender justice, then you know it’s what

          they’ll say

     So you may as well ignore it, or decide that it’s okay

     ’Cause you ain’t been doin’ nothin’ if they haven’t called you,

 

Diff’rent, pansy, friendly faggot, fairy, weird and wimp!

Sissy, strange and sick, and when they say your wrist is limp,

Just give em a big smile, and let em hear you say

That you ain’t been doin’ nothin’ if they haven’t called you gay!

 

Written by Tedd Judd, extra lyrics & music by Peter Alsop, Copyright 1985, Tedd Judd

On Ebenezer’s Make Over - www.peteralsop.com

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