Peter Alsop

Music for Children and Adults

Jacob Marley

From the album Ebenezer's Make Over Buy Now

- intro to the tale!

Narr:  Jacob Marley, the Dean of Finance, is dead.  Even though the entire university is closed on the day of his funeral, there are only fifteen people here.  The one speaker is Ebenezer Scrooge, Dean of Students.  He and Marley shared an office for ten years.


Scrooge:  This University wouldn’t be here today if it wasn’t for Jacob Marley.  He always showed good judgment, ... at least until today.  For some reason, he’s made me the custodian of his ten year old son, little Timothy here.  Well, Jacob, even you make mistakes!


Narr:  Time passes, and when “little” Timothy grows to be a head taller than Scrooge, he enrolls at the University on a basketball scholarship.  His friends call him, “Not-So-Tiny Tim”, and they’re disappointed that caring for the boy has not softened Scrooge’s hard-nosed approach to life one bit.


Scrooge:  You did this to me Jacob!  Seven years ago, this very night.  I’m not cut out for this “Uncle” routine!


SOUND:         Knocking on door/ door opens


Scrooge:  Come in!


Narr:  Not-So-Tiny Tim, gangly with loose clothing and an earring, bursts into Scrooge’s office with his girlfriend Naomi, who looks to be dressed out of the same closet.


Scrooge:  You’re late!


Tim:  Sorry Sir!  Remember Naomi?


Scrooge:  Yes.  You’ve got three minutes, get to the point.


Tim:  Um, okay, ... we want to start a chapter of this great National Men’s Organization on campus Uncle Scrooge, here read this.


Scrooge:  I’m not your uncle.


Tim:  I love you like an Uncle.


Scrooge:  Humbug!  What it this?


Tim:  I told you, it’s great!


Scrooge:  (reading)  Pro-feminist?  Gay-affirmative?  Anti-racist?


Tim:  Yeah, dedicated to enhancing men’s lives!


Scrooge:  What?  Men are oppressed?!  First it’s the black people, then feminists,... and now men?   There’s no crying in baseball!


Tim:  Well it’s all intertwined, you know, sexism, racism, oppression of women.


Scrooge:  The women I know are very happy as girlfriends and mothers, eating chocolate and going shopping.


Naomi:  Sure, don’t “rock the boat” and the system gives us goodies.


Scrooge:  And what are you doing here?  I thought this was a men’s organization.


Naomi:  Some men want to hear what us “boat rockin’ women” have to say.


Scrooge:  Bah, you people are swimming upstream.  The answer is “No”.  Do what your fathers did, go out for sports, join the chess club, join a fraternity!


Tim:  It’s the twenty-first century Uncle Scrooge!  Students discuss sex!


On Ebenezer's Make Over -