Peter Alsop

Music for Children and Adults

Inspection!

From the album In The Hospital Buy Now

by Peter Alsop & Penny Pefley

- humorously dealing with invasion of privacy!

INSPECTION!

Oh no!  Inspection again?  They did it before!

Then hundreds of nurses march in the door

With doctors and lab techs, fifty or more!

“C’mon!” they say, “Now take off your clothes!”

“I can’t!” I say, “I’ll catch cold!  I’ll be froze!”

But they take it all off, except for my nose!

 

They look in your throat, in your ears and your eyes

N’they write on their charts and they look very wise

And y’feel like flypaper covered with flies!

They flip me and flop me and crank-up my bed

They stick their big faces right over my head

N’sometimes their breath is like garlicky bread!

 

N’each specialist looks for a special disease

The asthma nurse, she always wants me to wheeze

Then she hands me a tissue each time that I sneeze!

An old Doctor checks for earwax and pimples

A lab tech measures the depth of my dimples

An intern tugs on my skin to check skin-pulls!

 

Yeah, but the REAL skin checker’s a doctor named Danny

He checks me completely, each wrinkle and cranny

From the wart on my neck to the crack in my fanny!

One mashes my tongue with stick, “Say Ahhhhh!”

So I do, but she squashes too hard for my jaw

So I tell her, “Ahhh-arrgh wah-wah, ARhhhhHHH!”

 

A physical therapist wiggles my knees

The “hemo” guy’s happy adjusting I.V.s

The nurse who checks toes, she never say’s please

When I go in a bedpan, these people discuss it

It’s gross!  They go back in a room where they mush it,

And save it, or something,... at home we just flush it!

 

They come by with needles and then they begin

To poke extra holes I don’t need in my skin

They keep taking stuff out and putting stuff in!

Like my finger gets poked when the nurse needs more blood

And it trickles a little like drops of red mud

But that’s not enough for her, she needs a flood!

 

So she squeezes and pulls until more blood comes out

And nobody tells me what it’s all about

And it makes me so mad that I just want to SHOUT!!

Inspection! Inspection! There’s just no excuse

To treat me this way, ... this is child abuse!

So I’ll go to the top!!  I’ll call Dr. Seuss!

 

He’ll make them all leave!  He’ll be very polite!

And he’ll understand when I talk this way, right?

And he might even hug me, who knows, he just might!

 

So listen you kids, if you’re feeling stressed

And you’re in the hospital, we would suggest

That you better go home if you want any rest!!

 

Written by Peter Alsop,  ©Copyright 1989, Moose School Music (BMI)

On In The Hospitalwww.peteralsop.com