Peter Alsop

Music for Children and Adults

I Love Kids

From the album Other Songs

I love kids, when I get near them

I love kids who are polite and say Hello!

I love kids, with their eyes so clear

Kids who promise not to tattle,

For some candy or a rattle,

But these days its such a battle,

All the children just say NO!


There are old kids who suspect me

And younger kids who dont

There are some who come for cookies,

And smarter ones who wont

Some tots have got some purity

But todays kids, theyre no fools,

Good Lord!  Someones been teaching them!

Could it be, …No!... the SCHOOLS!!?


At recess time last Tuesday, there was this little girl

A tiny second-grader with long and bouncy curls

She wanted to play Doctor.  She said Turn your head and

     cough! (A-hem!)

When I turned back, my watch was gone!  The Doctor ripped

     me off!


Still I love kids who dont ask questions

I love kids who indecency affects

I love kids who take suggestions

Kids whose parents taught em

That is was the stork who brought em

Kids who never have a thought em

About, you know, - S-E-X!!


I must be getting rusty, losing my finesse

I no longer get reactions from the kids when I undress

So I flashed the city playground, YES! I knew Id finally won!

But three little monsters mooned me while the others cheered

     them on!!


So dont give rides to children, especially ones who smile

Dont let them eat your candy til youve known them for awhile

Dont let them touch your trenchcoat with their clammy

     little hands

And never drink the lemonade they sell at roadside stands!!


Now I hate kids when I get near them

These Sex Ed classes have taught them much too much!

Like tiny therapists that you cant trust

I hate children of all ages,

We should lock the brats in cages

Make this city less outrageous for the decent folks LIKE US!!


Written by Peter Alsop   1982