Give Yourself A Hand

 

Cho: Give yourself a hand, give yourself a hand

You say it’s not your fault so it’s got to be

     your glands!

Give yourself a hand, give yourself a hand

Give us all a break and give yourself a hand!

 

You act like you’ve been,

Deserted on an island all alone for years

With no one there to scratch your back, or

     rub behind your ears

So you act like you’re in heat, drowning in

     testosterone

And ev’ry conversation takes on sexual overtones

And your fingers indiscreetly with no conscience

     of their own

Go creeping here and there, acting quite

     unchaperoned

Your starving, leering, lechy eyes pursue her

     ev’ry move, drooling,

Searching for her thighs or the bounce of her

     ba-zoom!

It’s so tedious, exhausting, unnecessary and,

Easily cured and remedied, this plague of modern

     man!! Just,

Chorus: (You say you’re at the mercy of your

     bodily demands!)

 

So you won the big election, but it’s not your

     macho crap,

It’s your work, not your erection, that put you

     on the map!

You’re the Chairman, Captain, Chief; your title’s on

     your card,

Success once bought relief, but now that’s not

     the way things are!

Has your mother ever mentioned suff’ring gross

     indignities?

From big men with bent intentions, do you think

     that she’d be pleased?

C’mon and join the rest of us, we’re trying hard

     to change,

The selfish and injurious ways that we’ve been

     trained!

If you’re insecure or scared, you can ask me

     for support,

If you’re lonely we can talk, but if you’re horny,

     be a sport, and,

Chorus: (You say you’re only comfortable when

     you’re in command!)

 

This common health phenomenon some marriages

     has saved!

They don’t do “it” down in Washington, which is why

     they’re so depraved!

It’s fun and full of rhythm! You can play to beat

     the band!

So do yourself a favor! It’s something you will

     savor, yes!

Do yourself a favor and give yourself a hand!

Chorus: (You say you’ve no control when your

     private parts expand!)

 

We know that riding on the range makes a cowpoke

     real tough,

And seamy, smelly, strange and all that other

     manly stuff

Just like football, motorcycle grease, soldiers,

     guns and beer,

You’re out to prove that you’re okay, but boy,

     you’re acting weird!

Have you got a big obsession? Afraid that you

     might die?

If your sexual aggression won’t make some sweet

     young thing sigh,

And offer you her hips, and heart and mind

     and soul?

Do you have to have a power fix to make you

     feel whole?

No one else should have to suffer ’cause you happen

     to be strong,

Grow-up and be responsible for knowing right

     from wrong, and,

Chorus: (We will all applaud you when you try

     hard as you can!)

Give us all a break and we’ll give you a hand!!

 

Written by Peter Alsop, © 1985, Moose School Music (BMI)

On Fan Club Favorites and Songs On Sex & Sexuality - www.peteralsop.com