Peter Alsop

Music for Children and Adults

Give Yourself A Hand

Sexual Harrassment Alternative


Cho: Give yourself a hand, give yourself a hand

You say it’s not your fault so it’s got to be your glands!

Give yourself a hand, give yourself a hand

Give us all a break and give yourself a hand!


You act like you’ve been,

Deserted on an island all alone for years

With no one there to scratch your back,

     or rub behind your ears

So you act like you’re in heat, drowning in testosterone

And ev’ry conversation takes on sexual overtones

And your fingers indiscreetly with no conscience of their own

Go creeping here and there, acting quite unchaperoned

Your starving, leering, lechy eyes pursue her

     ev’ry move, drooling,

Searching for her thighs or the bounce of her ba-zoom!

It’s so tedious, exhausting, unnecessary and,

Easily cured and remedied, this plague of modern man!!  Just,

Chorus:  (You say you’re at the mercy of

     your bodily demands!)


So you won the big election, but it’s not your macho crap,

It’s your work, not your erection, that put you on the map!

You’re the Chairman, Captain, Chief; your title’s on your card,

Success once bought relief, but now that’s not

     the way things are!

Has your mother ever mentioned suff’ring gross indignities?

From big men with bent intentions, do you think

     that she’d be pleased?

C’mon and join the rest of us, we’re trying hard to change,

The selfish and injurious ways that we’ve been trained!

If you’re insecure or scared, you can ask me for support,

If you’re lonely we can talk, but if you’re horny,

     be a sport, and,  

Chorus: (You say you’re only comfortable when

     you’re in command!)


This common health phenomenon some marriages has saved!

They don’t do “it” down in Washington, which is why

     they’re so depraved!

It’s fun and full of rhythm!  You can play to beat the band!

So do yourself a favor! It’s something you will savor, yes!

Do yourself a favor and give yourself a hand!

Chorus: (You say you’ve no control when your

     private parts expand!)


We know that riding on the range makes a cowpoke real tough,

And seamy, smelly, strange and all that other manly stuff

Just like football, motorcycle grease, soldiers, guns and beer,

You’re out to prove that you’re okay, but boy,

     you’re acting weird!

Have you got a big obsession?  Afraid that you might die?

If your sexual aggression won’t make some

     sweet young thing sigh,

And offer you her hips, and heart and mind and soul?

Do you have to have a power fix to make you feel whole?

No one else should have to suffer cause you

     happen to be strong,

Grow-up and be responsible for knowing

     right from wrong, and,

Chorus: (We will all applaud you when you try

     hard as you can!)


Give us all a break and we’ll give you a hand!!


Written by Peter Alsop, © 1985, Moose School Music (BMI)

On Ebenezer's Make Over, Fan Club Favorites & Songs On Sex and Sexuality




G-D-A7 (run)